Safety helmets, goggles, life vests, smoke detectors, shark cages … When are you going, trembling sheep, to shed the bonds of self-preservation and live fearlessly like a true patriot? Do you think Thomas Jefferson would wear a seat belt? Absolutely not. Would Alexander be caught dead with an oven mitt? Surely not! They wouldn’t recognize the America we have become, full of people wearing masks to prevent the spread of a deadly disease and avoiding their divine right to plug a fork into any electrical outlet, they please !
We have become so gentle as a nation. Everyone wants to live past 35 and enjoy full kidney function. No one wants to go down a bourbon handle and juggle chainsaws anymore. The last time I went to Benihana, they refused to let me lick the hibachi. Excuse me, I have an immune system! I blame the participation trophies.
What we need are braver, stronger patriots like President Trump. A man so strong and manly that he can look straight into the gaping mouth of a solar eclipse and live to tell the story. Who needs safety glasses and their eyesight? Not my president. He wouldn’t let a little thorny virus bring him down. He fell seriously ill, exposed his staff and family, was airlifted to a state-of-the-art medical facility, and heroically received experimental treatment unattainable to the general public as God intended.